i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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