Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
