sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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