I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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