make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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