New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
