Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
