I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
