College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
