I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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