I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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