i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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