did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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