By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
