I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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