awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
