my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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