They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
