The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
