I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
