You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
