Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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