look no pants
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
