ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
