I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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