im six kinds of drunk right now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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