At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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