hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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