some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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