I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
