No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
