Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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