My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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