Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
