someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just invented taco cereal.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
