Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
