this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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