She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
