I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
