Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
