Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
