Sober January is a disaster.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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