I hate your face
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
