Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
