I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
