I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
