guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i will never coherently bang her
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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