just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize