this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
