All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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