Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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