So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
