You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
