you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
