return my video game
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
