i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
