my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
