the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
