How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
