I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
