So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dick has a subreddit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
