That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
