I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
