your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
