sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
