My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
