Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
