i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
