Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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