check it out our google latitudes are spooning
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
