I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
