burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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