it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
