I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to stop coming to work sober
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
