I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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