I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
