I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
